life is but a dream
by bethanyhallen
Summary: In dreams we live our lives. In dreams we live and die. In dreams is where I find you. In dreams where you are mine.


**Disclaimer:** So not mine.

**A/N:** I wasn't going to write anything for "Watershed" but...here ya go. Enjoy it please! Not beta'd either.

She reads the short blurb in the paper…It still takes her by surprise. Never would she have thought that he would end. But he did. Just like…just like everything else ends, so did he.

The short article mentions his life, his work when he was at the top of his game. There's mention of his children, grandchildren, his wife…

Her heart breaks again, like it has so many times before.

_'Richard Castle, famed author dies quietly at home following a sudden illness. The author, most famous for his Derek Storm and Nikki Heat series, often made headlines for his bachelor life style in his younger years. His life changed significantly when he became a consultant, of sorts, for New York City's Twelfth precinct. Mr. Castle assisted Detective Kate Beckett, the inspiration for his Nikki Heat character, for five years until the detective parted ways with the NYPD and was recruited by the FBI. He is survived by his three children, four grand-children and his wife...'_

The tears had filled her eyes and she had been unable to finish reading.

She had seen him less than a handful of times after she got on the plane that taken her from New York to her new life in DC.

She would always love him, she'd told him. But she needed to know what she was capable of, what difference she could make on a larger scale. He had driven her to the airport, kissed her cheek, turned and walked away without looking back. She knows because she had turned back. She'd watched the love of her life walk away from her, knowing deep down there would never be another mistake she would make that would equal the one she had just made.

It had been cold out the first time she had made her way back to Manhattan after spending more than a year in Washington. He had arrived at the church late; she hadn't seen him when she walked down the aisle, Lanie following her. Ryan had been Esposito's best man, the boys had lost touch with Castle in the time after she had left…At least that's what she had been told by Lanie. Kate, herself only saw Castle after the ceremony, he had made his way to her after congratulating the newlyweds. It had been awkward. The small talk, the jokes that weren't as funny as she had pretended they were. Fifteen minutes that seemed like an hour and soon he was saying good-bye.

She watched as he walked away.

He was in town for a book signing and he hadn't let her know that he would be in town but she never expected that he would. Three years after saying goodbye in that airport, why would he? But she made her way to the Barnes and Noble and stood in line for over an hour to have her book signed, Heat's Embers, the last in the Nikki Heat series.

Another ending.

He had smiled at her when he looked up. Signed her book and said he would love to have dinner and catch up after he was finished. She had agreed, but two hours later had found her boarding a plane to Dallas.

He told her he understood; their plans weren't rescheduled.

She keeps up the work, it keeps her busy and she climbs the ladder just like she sat out to do.

Ten years pass.

Her dad passes away and it hurts, she feels like same nineteen-year-old that had buried her mother before she was old enough to deal with it.

Castle hugs her to his chest and rocks her back and forth. He's there for her like no time has passed. When she stands over her father's grave saying goodbye one last time, he holds her hand and waits until she's ready to leave.

She thanks him for coming, standing with her, as he tucks her inside the car that brought her. 'Always' he tells her and shuts the door before her tears fall.

He sends her one single rose when Bracken dies. 'I'm sorry he never paid for it' written on the card attached.

The last time she sees him is accidental she's getting into a cab across the street from a playground. One she used to know well. Laughter rings out and it catches her attention. It's loud and booming and happy. She wouldn't mistake it anywhere. His hair is gray and his skin wrinkled, but so is hers.

It's been twenty years since she last saw him.

The little girl he's struggling to keep up with jumps on the swing and begs for him to push her, 'higher grampy, higher' the child's laughter infectious as she watches the man who she walked away from but gave her heart to, push his grandchild on a swing.

The cabbie beeps his horn reminding her that she had a plane to catch. She starts to climb in but looks to Castle again before doing so. Their eyes meet, he smiles at her. She smiles back, her hand raised in a slight wave. The girl demanding his attention again pulls his arm leading him back to their fun.

She leaves him again, there on the swings.

After all this time she understands, it will always hurt.

She made a mistake.

She paid for it.

She reads the blurb in the Post four years later.

It's the sobs that wake her.

She wakes with tears already making their way down her cheeks. Her throat so tight she wonders if she will breathe her next breath.

Her decision made already.

It takes her two hours to find him. He's not at the loft, or at the Old Haunt, the boys haven't seen him either. She's almost ready to give up and that's when it hits her.

She finds him where she thought she had seen him for the last time.

Their swings.

He doesn't look at her when she sits down beside him. So she's quite until she can collect her thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he tells her. He had yelled at her. They had yelled at each other. She had walked out. She didn't need an apology.

"Don't," she says. "Castle…I made a mistake."

His breath hitches, she assumes because he thinks her mistake is him. And it is…but not in the way he thinks.

"Castle, I know what I want and I know where I am supposed to be…I chose them, Castle." She watches his shoulders slump and she knows the words she picked are wrong. "I lived a life where I went to work for the FBI, I did what I set out to do. I fought for those without a voice…did what I thought was right. I got it so wrong, Castle."

She gets off her swing and comes to stand in front of him. He's watching her every move. Her words don't make sense to him and she knows this. She can't blame him. Her words don't even make sense to her.

"I chose you a year ago; I will choose you for the next fifty. You and me, Castle. Always."

She reaches her hand out to him, he takes it but instead of letting her pull him to his feet he pulls her to him. She sits on his lap, her forehead resting against his temple. He starts rocking them gently.

"I love you," she tells him.

"Yeah, I got that…You pretty much just proposed a few minutes ago." He says in a teasing tone that she's never been happier to hear.


End file.
